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An Open Letter to Kyle Smith’s Wife

Hey Girl.

You must be having a rough week. First off, you’re married to Kyle Smith. Then you read your husband’s “sassy” piece in the New York Post. The one addressed to the unborn child of Chelsea Clinton, who announced her pregnancy days earlier. The one that condemned the Fetus Clinton for being assigned to a uterus whose owner Kyle so clearly abhors.

Now, one might ask, why isn’t this letter addressed to Kyle himself, since he openly attacked an unborn child in a missive marked ‘news’ and not ‘op ed?’ But instead, I address this to you, the missus. I take my cues from Kyle, and will blame you for decisions made by immediate family. He’s very clever.

Kyle maintained that Chelsea prostituted her baby-to-be’s life by announcing her pregnancy at an event whose central theme was supporting women, thereby drawing attention to a cause she so passionately supports. It’s true, I’m sure the Post is bored to tears by the news of her impending motherhood- I’m sure they haven’t published pieces on just this very subject.

I’m going to guess that your marriage is one solely of convenience. Surely you don’t have children unless they were birthed during times of professional need. That’s also why Chelsea got pregnant, according to Hubs. Certainly implying that this unborn child could also one day act as a pimp for Bill Clinton’s lascivious desires is just an added bonus.

Go ahead, blame the mommy-to-be for her work done at NBC News, mock her for any professional and personal choice she has made as an adult. Ridicule her as you surely would the Bush twins (Jenna at the Today show, Barbara at—snicker, chortle- a global non profit).

A surprise: your husband’s piece wasn’t really intended to harass a fetus alone. It was meant to punish the mommy for being born to a family he happens to dislike. For a paper that is all about pushing pro-life, pro-family perspectives, Kyle is calling out Chelsea for having parents she was entirely unable to choose.

But maybe he’s right. Maybe this baby is to blame for mom, grandma, and gramps.

Just ask Jenna Bush Hager’s daughter about the Iraq invasion at her next toddler play date. Don’t worry if she cries. That’s just the wail of humanity casting aspersions on your husband’s theories.

Or maybe she prefers reading the news.

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